I started blogging mainly because my son and I had been through such a tough time with the system and wanted to support other families to help them avoid some of the same pitfalls. There are a few other reasons detailed in an earlier blog post HERE but that was the main one, and with the approval and permission of my son what I set out to do. On the other side of the coin I do also love to write, always had since I could pick up a pencil and even back then I discovered it was very therapeutic too.
When I set out to blog I didn’t know if anyone would read it but I thought even if it was read by 20 people and helped one then that would be a good thing to do.
I am amazed that it became as popular as it is and absolutely stunned to of received nominations for awards, most recently for The BAPS hosted by My Family Our Needs in ‘The Blog Post with the Biggest Impact’ category for The Principles of a No Demand or Low Demand Approach & How it has worked for Us..This latest nomination is the only one that has come to anything and I feel on one hand really happy that my blog has done what it set out to do and touched peoples lives but on the other (and without wishing to sound ungrateful) it makes me feel slightly awkward.
The reasons for this are fourfold;
1. I am unsure what the awards are for. If the award is for being a parent to my amazing son then I neither want it or need it, having him in my life is reward enough. If it is for supporting other parents then why wouldn’t I? When I first looked for positive voices about PDA they were few and far between, I was grateful for Steph’s Two Girls and the The PDA Society who, at the time, seemed like lone voices in the darkness offering some positive ways forward rather than just writing my child off. If the awards are for my writing I am stunned and delighted as being an undiagnosed dyslexic all my childhood and on one hand being praised for my creative writing and on the other, punished for my spelling, it would mean a lot to have it recognised at this stage in my life.
Ironically I am always delighted when my favourite bloggers get awards and recognition for their work and never question why!
2. I worry about my son’s identity being exposed and it adversely affecting him in the future. I don’t write anything without my son’s permission that is not to say he reads everything I have written but he knows what I am writing and often has imput and opinions on it. I feel however that he is still too young at 12 to understand the full implications of having info about him out there in the world though so I like to keep his identity (and by association mime) a secret.
It’s hard to be an anonymous and accept awards.
3. I feel that because I have been nominated I should be promoting and canvassing for votes and that is something that always makes me feel uncomfortable. I was n business in my previous life so I know how to advertise and how to self promote but I have never been super comfortable with either praise from others or self recognition.
Putting it out there that I’m worth a vote does not sit easily with me.
4. I get self conscious about being in the spotlight. Although in my younger years I was very much a social butterfly I have never been comfortable being in the spotlight, I am a much better wing man cheering on from the sidelines, holding peoples bags, that kind of thing. These days I am very much a mum and spend my time in comfy jeans or leggings. I didn’t even enjoy my own wedding with all the cameras and attention so the idea of going to an awards ceremony, even one I don’t expect to win, (come on you’ve seen the competition, these people are virtual legends) fills me with anxiety.What would I wear? I would have to go to the hairdressers (usually a once or twice yearly event) and then decide whether I could cope with heels again….
I wonder if anyone else feels this way too or is it just me?
With all this in mind and the difficulty in leaving my son with anyone but his dad (who’s only available at weekends), I had come to the conclusion that I would maybe just ignore any future nominations and pretend I hadn’t seen them that was until I spoke to my son about it who said;
“Oh Mum you sound like that person you we’re talking about the other day who could not accept praise for what they did, you deserve it too Mum. Anyway didn’t we decide you should write about all this to stop other children having the same horrible time as me and make them (*professionals) understand? Wouldn’t this be a great chance for publicity? Go on Mum, go to the awards, you deserve it, you have done a lot. You should be proud Mum, I’m proud of you.”
Writing that made me cry all over again!
So anyway as a result here I am awkwardly writing this blog and asking for your vote in the BAPS 2019 because my son believes in me and I believe in him. If I haven’t succeeded in putting you off then can vote for me (or any of the other amazing finalists) by clicking on the image and following the link below;